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Old March 12th, 2016, 11:12 AM
justback83 justback83 is offline
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Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

I've been with my BF for 3 years now and we have a great relationship. The only thing that causes significant arguments are the way his friends treat him and, I believe, disrespect me.

He has two very close friends who are in open and unhappy relationships. Both friends take my BF for very nice dinners and go places together that I'd like to experience with my BF with him. I feel like they are taking these moments away from me and my BF and it really frustrates me.
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Old March 12th, 2016, 11:28 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

But he goes along with it? Does he know how you feel?
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Old March 12th, 2016, 11:29 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

This is actually between you and your BF not the other two. It's up to you to communicate to your BF how you would like to spend your time together and up to him to choose whether he will happily oblige.

The other two are probably continuing the relationship with your BF that they already had with him before you got together. The issue is how invested in your relationship your BF is and how much time in he spends with you in preference to the other two. They can't really make him spend this time with them unless he really wants to.
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Old March 12th, 2016, 11:31 AM
justback83 justback83 is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
But he goes along with it? Does he know how you feel?
Yes - I've discussed it with him twice now after arguments over it!
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Old March 12th, 2016, 11:35 AM
justback83 justback83 is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

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Originally Posted by Annsdil View Post
This is actually between you and your BF not the other two. It's up to you to communicate to your BF how you would like to spend your time together and up to him to choose whether he will happily oblige.

The other two are probably continuing the relationship with your BF that they already had with him before you got together. The issue is how invested in your relationship your BF is and how much time in he spends with you in preference to the other two. They can't really make him spend this time with them unless he really wants to.
This is where I'm worried that I'm over-reacting...we spend a lot of time together and are very happy. He is very invested in the relationship.

I just can't help but feel that if his friends were in happy relationships that they would experience these things with their own boyfriends instead of mine! The latest argument started because he has just told me he's going to Venice with one of them. I had told him before that I'd like us to go there together...now he's going to experience it with his friend instead of me. I feel like these moments are being taken away from me...
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Old March 12th, 2016, 11:37 AM
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LucyVanPelt LucyVanPelt is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by justback83 View Post
Yes - I've discussed it with him twice now after arguments over it!
If you've discussed it with him twice now and have had arguments over it, then you have to accept that your boyfriend is going to continue doing things with his friends.

Is that a deal-breaker for you?
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Old March 12th, 2016, 03:08 PM
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

A "nice dinner" is a completely different thing than a trip to Venice. If you had told him before that you wanted to go to Venice with him, and he has chosen to go with his friend instead, he is not as invested in the relationship with you as he is in the relationship with his friend. Is there a good reason you weren't invited as well?

I don't think this has anything to do with his friends' unhappy relationships, but I get the feeling you don't want to place any blame on your boyfriend. The reality is that he is allowing the behavior. I am curious if they think *he* is in an open relationship as well. Are you sure he's not?

If the situation were reversed - you had a friend who had invited you to Venice - what would you have done?

Another question. Hypothetically, let's say the friends all entered into happy relationships and did these things with their boyfriends instead of yours, and your boyfriend would be free to then do these things with you. Is that okay with you? That you are a default position if his friends don't want him?
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Old June 15th, 2016, 11:52 AM
SigridDahl SigridDahl is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

You need to be honest with your boyfriend. Tell him that you feel like his friends were stealing his time and moment for you.
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Old October 13th, 2016, 01:20 AM
JumpingJake JumpingJake is offline
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Re: Boyfriends friends treat him like their boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by justback83 View Post
This is where I'm worried that I'm over-reacting...we spend a lot of time together and are very happy. He is very invested in the relationship.

I just can't help but feel that if his friends were in happy relationships that they would experience these things with their own boyfriends instead of mine! The latest argument started because he has just told me he's going to Venice with one of them. I had told him before that I'd like us to go there together...now he's going to experience it with his friend instead of me. I feel like these moments are being taken away from me...
A trip to Venice is a pretty big deal. If its the case that you can't go and so he is going with a friend instead then that's one thing but if he just prefers to go with his friend instead then that is another matter. Especially as it is a female friend.

People do need space in their relationships to meet with other friends and be themselves and its a matter of finding the level of space you are both comfortable with. If you can't come to some agreement on what is acceptable amounts of time to spend with other people then perhaps your relationship is not going to work in the long term. It's best to discuss these things openly and say that you find the idea of him going to Venice with a friend unacceptable.
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