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  #11  
Old February 20th, 2009, 07:27 PM
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Question Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

talking to my sister...I don't know if she was busy, but she's never been the type to give just one short sentence- usually talks a little bit -

but I'd still like to call and chat, but I'm afraid that if I do I've kept stuff bottled up for so long that it won't be pleasent.

(I mean really, what kind of person allows a kid 4-5 yrs older than another kid pick on them & when the younger child's MOM tries to stop it, tells the mom "He (my DS) just needs to learn to deal with it" & when my DS did THE SAME THINGS back to her son, she chewed my DS out (WTF?) The younger kid needs to learn to "deal with it" but the older child (12-13 yr) needs to be protected from the big bad 8 yr old!

This sums up my sister's attitude towards intereaction between our DSs.

To quote Judge Judy "if something doesn't make sence, its not true" And trust me, a kid who is bigger, stronger, older, weighs more DOES NOT need to be protected from the big bad ___ yr old who is 4 1/2 yr younger than he is
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  #12  
Old February 20th, 2009, 07:48 PM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

snafu, you haven't talked to her since your OP? Is that what's going on?

Sorry... I'm confused.

I don't have any advice. I'm bigtime conflict-adverse, myself. I don't know what to say in situations like that.

About the only thing I could say to her would be "Now is not the time or place"... your M's health has to be of more concern, kwim?
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Old February 21st, 2009, 07:38 AM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

No, I've not talked with her, but I don't normally talk with her frequently - maybe every couple of months. After our DM told me about thier conversation I though she'd call (at first), but now I'm afraid that I'll blow a gasket if I call & she acts like her DS can do no wrong or tries to deflect (like kids do) with something like but your DS does..... that's if it even comes up

- I grew up in a disfunctional family & I was the peacemaker (I'm very non-confrontational) - well I'm not being the peacemaker anymore {DM- who always counted on me being the peacemaker, now says she did the wrong thing & she won't put up with teaching another kid-my DS- that they have to put up with being bullied)}
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Old February 21st, 2009, 09:27 AM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Ooooohhhh. I get it now.

Ugh - no advice because same thing... I was the peacemaker. Just lots and lots of moral support, and I don't see the problem with letting her have it. (Well, maybe after your DM's health crisis has passed)
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Old February 21st, 2009, 09:41 AM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Another peacemaker here, er, past-peacemaker anyway. Now, not so much.

A few simple rules to follow:
1. Pick your battles. I was the peacekeaper for 30 years, its a hard habit to break. But when I got tired of doing it, I came out with "all gunz ablazin" I don't recommend that. 30 years of pent up frustration can be quite ugly.

2. Be firm but polite. State your peace, then move on. No need to beat it in to their heads.

3. People see you as the peacekeaper, don't expect them to change their view of you right away and really don't expect them to appreciate the fact that you will no longer play that role. Accept the fact that they WILL be mad then realize that that is their problem, not yours.

4. Stand your ground, politely.

Personally, I wouldn't bring it up at this time until your sis does. Its not about being confrontational, but timing. If you bring it up now, when your mom is sick, you look like the bad guy. Wait till sis brings it up, or another incident happens, then take action. But I also don't think your sis will bring it up either.

Good luck.
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Old February 28th, 2009, 02:29 PM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I wasn't planning on talking to her about her DS now, but its been 2 months & I'm afraid I'll (to quote grubby)

"when I got tired of doing it, I came out with "all gunz ablazin"... snip... 30 years of pent up frustration can be quite ugly."


I did a little research & found a more realistic definition of what I've been doing - I called it being a peace keeper/keeping the peace. In reality, a peace keeper helps everyone get their needs met; what I've been doing to "keep the peace" is I've been a passive enabler - I've allowed my DS to be bullied, I've allowed people to treat me (& DS)poorly

What I've basicly done is told people its ok to treat me (& DS) like @#%@ / whipping boys & its OK with me I need to be stronger for myself and my family.
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Old March 31st, 2009, 06:15 PM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I finally got the courage to call my sister - called her this past weekend, but she wasn't home. I left a message that I'd talk to her later - I said nothing about our children. I'd planned to call her again next weekend if I didn't hear from her...

My DH really wants me to talk with my sister, but now it's on hold again because my DM went back to the hospital today - she's doing better this evening.
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  #18  
Old April 1st, 2009, 07:45 PM
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Re: Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Quote:
Originally Posted by snafu View Post
I finally got the courage to call my sister - called her this past weekend, but she wasn't home. I left a message that I'd talk to her later - I said nothing about our children. I'd planned to call her again next weekend if I didn't hear from her...

My DH really wants me to talk with my sister, but now it's on hold again because my DM went back to the hospital today - she's doing better this evening.
Good luck, hope she's better today!
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Old April 22nd, 2009, 12:40 PM
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mini update

I've called twice, but she's not been home - she returned the call the first time as I'd asked for some information - but I wasn't home

I guess its to playing phone tag ... but I promised my DS & DH I'd talk to her about it & I intend to keep that promise.

I just hope she'll take my advice to contact the school councilors about techniques (other than hitting) to use when someone does something you don't like/hits you.
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  #20  
Old April 24th, 2009, 04:31 PM
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Lmao

I haven't talked to my DS about my sister since I appoligized to him for letting her treat him badly, nor has he said anything to me about her.

Tonight, he referred to the chicken I made for supper as "Evil _____'s Chicken" (BG: my sister gave me a wonderful receipe for chicken & DS loves it - I've just always called it sister's name chicken)

(hmmm... this is the same day that he let me know he no longer wants his cousin's hand-me-downs. I wonder if I've "permitted" him to acknowldge his own feelings now- food for thought)
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