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Old November 18th, 2017, 10:45 AM
JNtaylor81 JNtaylor81 is offline
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Is it normal to look to other people as parents as an adult?

I won't get too deep into everything...but growing up I had some major issues with my step-father who was emotionally abusive to me. He always made sure to let me know that I was the odd one out in my family since I was the only child who was not biologically his. He said a lot of very emotionally hurtful things to me growing up that will stay with me forever. My mom just did nothing about it all throughout my childhood and kind of just let him get away with it all. So of course I grew up despising him and we never did get along because of the stuff he said. But over the summer they started having marriage problems and were fighting a lot. So he moved out for a bit and during this time I sat down and told my mom all about the hurt I was feeling and he things he said to me growing up. And now... 2 months later they are back together like everything is completely fine despite all the fighting. So now at the age of 21 I can kind of look back on everything and understand the hurt I was feeling and I honestly kind of feel the same hurt brought on now by my moms actions. And now I am just so hurt that nothing was done about it growing up and my mom never said a word or tried to change things. And now she is back with him, which hurts even more because it feels like she just disregarded everything I told her and still wants to be with someone who continues to treat me like this even to this day. I no longer speak to my step-father despite him still being involved with my mother. But now, as the focus of the title says, I found other other people that I sort of look to as parents because they have been supportive throughout his and they actually listen to what I say and take into account what I'm feeling. Because I was so hurt by my mom taking my step-father back, I kind of leaned o this other woman who I now call mom and she takes the role of mom in my life now because she gives me all the support I never got growing up or even now by my own parents.
So I guess I'm just wondering if this is normal? Is it normal as an adult or semi-adult at the age of 21 to seek out parents in other people when your own have hurt you so much? Is it emotionally the best thing to do? Has anyone else dealt with this kind of situation before?
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Old November 18th, 2017, 11:10 AM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: Is it normal to look to other people as parents as an adult?

It is absolutely normal, and I'll go so far as to say that it's a good idea. Family isn't just those who are related biologically. You are at an age where you need people who have life experience to give you advice when you need it or want it; people who can help shape you into what you want to be. I say go for it!

But more importantly, take care of yourself. You will always have issues because of your stepdad's mistreatment of you. It would be a REALLY good idea to seek out counseling to talk through those issues so that they don't define you and you can rise above them.

(((((hugs))))) I'm sorry for your pain.
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Old November 18th, 2017, 01:35 PM
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Re: Is it normal to look to other people as parents as an adult?

I agree with kaykay
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