Go Back   Friends and Family Forum > The Family Forum > In-laws

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old December 9th, 2017, 12:08 AM
Whyisitsocomplicated Whyisitsocomplicated is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 3
Whyisitsocomplicated is on a distinguished road
Cool Twin brother inlaw

hello! My boyfriend has a twin brother. The brother has problems, he is an unhappy, tortured person. He watches tv all day, has no friends, no interests and no life at all. He takes his frustrations out on everybody and his whole familly is afraid of his reactions. What bothers me the most is he treats his brother (my boyfriend) very badly. He yells, manipulates and puts him down, he hates to see his own brother happy. Even when they are not together he will call and ruin my boyfriends mood and self esteem. I cant take it anymore. I have watched this for 4 years now. My boyfriend feels responsible for his brothers happieness and communication between them is difficult. I reallt dont want to get in the middle of this situation, its maybe not my place? The only thing i want is for them to be happy and have a life they enjoy but this brothers way of pushing people away is really strong and i find myself wanting to hurt him more than help him. (I will never hurt him. but you get my feeling?) is there anything i can do? What can i say? How to shake some sense into this kid (30years old). I want to keep my boyfriend because we are great together and i love him. I would also like to get along with his brother but he is too unhappy to get along with anybody
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old December 9th, 2017, 12:21 AM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,155
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Twin brother inlaw

Ugh, I'm so sorry. What a tough situation.

What does your boyfriend think? You really can't do anything about the brother. The most you can do is support your boyfriend in establishing healthy boundaries with the brother and making sure he knows that it's the brother's misery/problem and not his.

Do you think your boyfriend would be open to counseling?
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old December 9th, 2017, 12:42 AM
Whyisitsocomplicated Whyisitsocomplicated is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 3
Whyisitsocomplicated is on a distinguished road
Re: Twin brother inlaw

Hey, thanks for the answer, counseling is actually a great idea, i will try to get him to go. My boyfriend is too sweet, he is very protective of his brother he tries to make him happy all the time, tries to make him laugh and please his brother. Sometimes they fight, but in general my boyfriend does not stand up for himself and i am crushed by what he is willing to accept. The brother has all the power and knows it sometimes he will manipulate by saying things like: nobody likes me i will commit suicide. This makes everybody very unhappy and cater to his needs. This situation is unbearable. you are right its my boyfriend who needs to set boundries and stand up for himself. I have not yet found the words to make him understand
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old December 9th, 2017, 01:11 AM
KayKay's Avatar
KayKay KayKay is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 16,155
KayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond reputeKayKay has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Twin brother inlaw

Yeah, it's kind of sticky being in your position. You care so much, but you can't fight the battle for him.

The only thing to do is just keep building him up without coming between him and his brother:

"That's a totally untrue remark. I think you're great at ______ (whatever the brother put him down about). Why do you think your brother would say that?"

"Aw, I'm so sorry he ruined your mood. Why do you think he does that?"

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I wish your brother's happiness wasn't your responsibility."

Your boyfriend has to be the one to do it, but it might be easier if he knows he has you in his corner.
__________________
Expecto Patronum!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old December 9th, 2017, 02:48 AM
Whyisitsocomplicated Whyisitsocomplicated is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 3
Whyisitsocomplicated is on a distinguished road
Re: Twin brother inlaw

Thanks, thats some good advice. I will try to give my boyfriend what he needs to confront this. Have a great day
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old December 11th, 2017, 12:39 PM
ChristianMartinez ChristianMartinez is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 16
ChristianMartinez is on a distinguished road
Re: Twin brother inlaw

I am sorry
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old December 12th, 2017, 05:53 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Twin brother inlaw

Who says passive-aggressive isn't useful? Sometimes it makes people actually think about their situation.

Does make me wonder what's up with the couch potato (CP). Normal people(whatever defines normal) usually don't watch TV all day - especially at age 30.

I wonder why your BF feels responsible for his sibling CP? That's just odd.

My gut tells me your BF will eventually get tired of his brothers BS and he'll just move on. People have a natural survival instinct that will close out negative things when it gets to much for them to handle. They just have to go through a myriad of mental issues before it kicks in.

I wish you the best.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old December 17th, 2017, 07:04 AM
snafu's Avatar
snafu snafu is offline
future crazy cat lady
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Mid-west
Posts: 9,818
snafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond reputesnafu has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Twin brother inlaw

The next time he threatens to kill himself call nine-one-one
__________________
once burned, twice shy

He who ignores history is condemed to repeat it!
(it also means you weren't smart enough to learn from your mistakes )
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old December 18th, 2017, 09:14 AM
Knot2loud's Avatar
Knot2loud Knot2loud is offline
is never to loud.
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 2,987
Knot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond reputeKnot2loud has a reputation beyond repute
Re: Twin brother inlaw

Quote:
Originally Posted by snafu View Post
The next time he threatens to kill himself call nine-one-one
Yes. Maybe it will be an eye-opener for him. The police will pick him up and bring him to a mental health hospital for a few days.

Just be ready for the backlash when it comes.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
brothers, inlaws, twins

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:48 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2007, The BlueSparks Network