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Old November 12th, 2012, 10:19 AM
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Question Need some advice... :/

The past couple weeks, I haven't wanted to see my bestie (we'll call him G). I mean yeah I do like spending most of my time with my boyfriend. But I'm not trying to ditch my bestie for him. I'm not trying to ditch him at all. I just feel strange hanging out with other guys when I have a boyfriend, 'cause pretty much all my friends are guys. I feel like my boyfriend should be there too. Idk I guess I'm just so used to be hounded about hanging out with my guy friends 'cause of my abusive ex...I know my boyfriend isn't like that, but I'm just so used to feeling guilty about it...even though it's nothing to feel guilty about.

Plus, G has never had a girlfriend...never been on a date, never even kissed a girl. He's pretty much the only person left in our group who's always been single. (He's 20 like me.) I know he's frustrated and it's hurting him that he's still alone like that...I can see how much it's getting to him. There's a girl that I think he likes, that he probably wants to ask out. But he won't 'cause he knows I can't stand her. I told him that if he likes her, he should go for it, but he won't just 'cause I don't like her. He just cares WAY too much about what I think. If they dated, I would try to get to know her and get along with her. But he just won't budge...just seems like he's making it harder on himself than it has to be, at this point. I just don't know what to do with him...

He also acts with me in a way that I don't really like...and we've talked about it. He's so like...idk, affectionate, I guess. I've told him before (many time) that I don't like it, but he still kinda pushes it. He says he means it all in a family-like way, 'cause we're like brother & sister. But I've told him before that that doesn't matter, I still don't like it. The last time I saw him (a week ago), he was doing better with it, but then he still kissed me on the head. He said, "You know I just meant that in a brother-sister way, right?" But it still pissed me off, 'cause I had just told him the day before that it bothers me when he does that... It just makes me not wanna see him!

He's texted me every single day and messaged me on Facebook every single day for the past week, wanting to hang out... I just don't wanna see him. I don't wanna be a *****, but I haven't responded the past 3 days. But he's really pushy...he's the kind of person who will text you and message you every.single.day. 'til you finally get annoyed and respond. I just don't know what to say, 'cause I know he'll ask to hang out. If I say no, he'll get upset and we may have another fight...if I say yes, then...well, I'll have to see him...and I don't freakin want to. I don't like being around him right now.

He just acts like I'm his ONLY friend, and he has plenty of others...my mom thinks that it's just 'cause I'm the only girl he's close to, and he probably feels that that's all he has right now...since he has no girlfriend and no one to date...he got upset enough when I started dating my boyfriend 'cause that meant that he couldn't be affectionate with me anymore, and that's all he had physically...so I can understand how he's feeling right now, but I just don't want to see him...at least not alone. But idk how to explain that to him...

I just don't know what to do :/
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  #2  
Old November 12th, 2012, 03:14 PM
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Re: Need some advice... :/

Maybe you should just tell him how you feel. That you are highly uncomfortable considering you have a boyfriend, and you would like it if he would respect that. If it causes a fight, just explain to him that you still love him as a friend, but right now you feel like he is suffocating you and that you need your space from him.

Maybe try getting another girl to hang out with you, your boyfriend and your friend and this way there won't be such an awkwardness.

On another note, he may feel like he needs to protect you. (Seeing as you mentioned a past ex who was abusive.) Let your friend "G" feel your boyfriend out and get to know him because that could be another reason why he is being the way he is.

Most of all, talk to him. If he's a real friend, he will understand and he won't be mad. He will just take it a little personal, but that's about it.

Make group plans with him if nothing else works, and hopefully he will get the hint.

Hope I helped a little. Good Luck!
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Old November 13th, 2012, 03:59 AM
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Re: Need some advice... :/

It seems to me that your beastie wants to get out of the friend category. He wants to be more, no matter how much either of you deny it. Make a choice for him--either distance yourself from him so he can move on or give him a chance to be your boyfriend.
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Old November 13th, 2012, 11:22 AM
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Re: Need some advice... :/

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
your beastie
LOL... was that deliberate, Lucy? Fitting...
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Old November 13th, 2012, 11:35 AM
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Re: Need some advice... :/

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
LOL... was that deliberate, Lucy? Fitting...


I was typing from my ipad.
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Old November 13th, 2012, 03:06 PM
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Re: Need some advice... :/

Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyVanPelt View Post
It seems to me that your beastie wants to get out of the friend category. He wants to be more, no matter how much either of you deny it. Make a choice for him--either distance yourself from him so he can move on or give him a chance to be your boyfriend.
Haha beastie. Nice

That's the thing, right when my boyfriend and I got together, G asked me if I wanted to try something out if things don't work out...which was bad timing, and not very respectful in my opinion, considering he knew I was taken when he asked me that.

That night, he admitted that at this point, he'd be an idiot to say that there's no potential for something. But it kinda pissed me off, because up 'til last year, I did like him as more than a friend. In fact, I did for 2-3yrs. I even dumped my first ex (partly) for him, and he shot me down...and has many times since...'til a couple months ago when he asked to possibly try something out in the future. It just made me mad 'cause I spent over a year getting over him and then he pulls this?...

I do not see him that way at all now. Him rejecting me really turned me off and I don't wanna go through that again. After he rejected me, somehow we became best friends and like brother & sister. That's how I see him now, as my brother...family. Nothing more. The thought of being with him in that way literally makes me feel ill. I want him to find a girlfriend already so he'll back off and spend less time with me.

Honestly, I think he's in love with me and doesn't realize it...everyone thinks that. Literally, everyone talks about it (and they all even admitted that they talk about it to each other behind our backs haha...). Everyone sees it but him. I think he's just afraid to admit it 'cause he knows that would mess things up with us...
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Old November 13th, 2012, 03:11 PM
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Re: Need some advice... :/

Sometimes they only want you when someone else does.

That says to me he is neither boyfriend material or friend material. Move on and let him go. Maybe he'll grow up a little and the timing will be better.
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