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Old November 1st, 2013, 04:40 PM
NicoleGreen2549 NicoleGreen2549 is offline
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Question I'm sexually attracted to my best friend

I guess I just need some feedback or thoughts on this situation because I feel there’s nothing I can really ‘do’. So I figured some insight from the outside might help.


I’m a 27 yr old female. I rent a house with my best friend who is also a 27 year old female. I’ll call her Lucy. We’ve been friends for about 4 years now. We met at work (neither of us works there anymore). From the beginning of our friendship people would make comments about how our friendship was unique (even weird) and jokingly hinted that we were into each other.
Friends/acquaintances have even gone as far as to asking us straight out if we are lesbian, together or if anything has happened between us. We always laughed it off and we would let them think what they’d like. Whatever way we are with each other is just normal for us. I asked one of my close friends, who interacts with me and Lucy, what she sees and her response was along the lines of… Lucy and I look at each other intensely or even longingly and there’s an excitement in our eyes when we talk to each other. My friend even said when she was with us one time it got to the point where she felt uncomfortable and thought she should step away.



I can admit that Lucy and I are very close, obviously bc we are best friends. We talk about everything, nothing is really off limits, we do a lot of things together, and we can get pretty physical. We tend to wrestle around and even bite each other. This may all seem weird but it’s just how we play. For example, even before we moved in with each other, we would spend the night at each other’s places and sleep in the same bed and wrap our legs around each other and/or cuddle. Now that we live together we have occasional movie nights and sleep in the same bed and do the same things, even though we have our own rooms.



Now, a big side note. About a year ago (before we moved in together) we were intimate with each other, once. And by intimate I mean we had one night that was sexual in pretty much all the ways one can imagine. We talked about it after the fact. She admitted that there was something about me that turned her on and she was attracted to me and she just wanted to explore that side with me. I can admit that those feelings were on my end as well. This one night never hurt our friendship and we continued on the same way we always have. She and I are straight and we have dated other men since then.



We are both currently single and lately we have been having more “sleepovers” with each other. Mainly it’s bc we have tv shows that we both watch and night time is the best time for us. The leg wrapping, play fighting and what not all are still there. The thing about her though as a person is she is sexual and is outgoing. She’s not promiscuous at all but she has a healthy sexual appetite. She is a massage therapist by profession. A lot of times she asks me to rub her arm to fall asleep… which I do and I don’t mind. We’ll sometimes touch each other’s fingers and hands and she’ll say it feels tingly and/or intense. We have even been watching late night erotic movies together (she usually puts them on). While we’re watching them she’ll say things like, I want to have sex (but more of a statement and not necessarily directing it at me), or if two chicks are onscreen she will say that is awesome, and a few times she has told me she feels horny. I do feel that way as well but I laugh it off. Basically I know she does not have an aversion to being with a woman again.



I am attracted to her but our friendship comes first. It’s not like I want a relationship with her. Lately, I’ve been wanting to be physical with her again… and it’s obviously when we hang out at night and are close with each other. The thing is that I will never initiate it. I didn’t the first time either. But I guess I don’t even know how to show that I would be open to it since I usually laugh off her comments. I know if we both wanted to do something again it wouldn’t hurt our friendship but I guess it’s that I don’t know if she actually wants to go there or if I should just chalk this up to how we always are with each other.



That’s pretty much it. I just have frustration about what to think. Thoughts, comments, questions?
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Old November 1st, 2013, 07:40 PM
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KayKay KayKay is offline
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Re: I'm sexually attracted to my best friend

(1) I don't think you are straight. Bi is an option.
(2) You already know what intimacy with her would be like since you've already explored it. You seem to have enjoyed it and seem to be interested in more. She definitely is. Stop laughing off her comments and see what happens!
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Old November 2nd, 2013, 02:05 AM
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Annsdil Annsdil is offline
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Re: I'm sexually attracted to my best friend

^^ Yeah this!

I think you maybe be worried that if it does cross into a proper relationship and if doesn't work out then you lose your best friend. But otoh if you don't explore your feelings further especially whilst you are both free and willing to do so, one or the other of you may choose to try out with another person and then you may feel then you have lost your best friend.
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Last edited by Annsdil; November 2nd, 2013 at 02:11 AM.
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Old November 5th, 2013, 08:51 AM
NicoleGreen2549 NicoleGreen2549 is offline
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Re: I'm sexually attracted to my best friend

KayKay, lol, in regards to your first comment... you may be right. I've never really defined myself as that because I've never been interested in girls before. Lucy was actually the first girl to ever get my attention in that way. And even now I haven't had an attraction like that with any other girl. But on the other hand, I'm actually more open to that idea. My first instinct is still men but I wouldn't dismiss a connection with a girl if it ever came about.
In regards to your second comment... I do have an update. The same day I wrote this we hung out later that night and let's just say... we had fun that weekend. So you were right, she was definitely interested in more.
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Old November 5th, 2013, 09:07 AM
NicoleGreen2549 NicoleGreen2549 is offline
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Re: I'm sexually attracted to my best friend

Annsdil, thanks for the reply. I get what you're saying and yeah that has always been a small fear in the back of my mind but I don't think either of us are ready to make a life changing move like that (being in a romantic committed relationship with each other). We both see our futures with men and what we have going on between us is just something fun to do. It's just another interesting aspect to our friendship, I hope that doesn't sound wrong. We both want what's best for each other so if she finds someone else I know that we'll always be friends.
And the update is that we were intimate again and as far as our friendship goes it's the same great friendship it has been
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