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Old December 23rd, 2014, 11:15 PM
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Unhappy Tired of walking on eggshells...

Reading other recent posts it sounds like I'm not the only one who has a husband that was born without a filter. I dread family get-togethers because I know it is likely I will go home mortified by something my husband has said or done...and unfortunately this year he lived up to my expectations.

The other night we were at my side of the family's holiday party and my husband came and sat in front of me on the floor just before we let the kids start opening presents. My mom designated me to take some pictures so after taking several, my husband snapped at me for clicking the flash too close to his face. I told him if he didn't like it then maybe he should sit behind me instead of in front of me. So, he was like "fine I'll move!" and pretty much pouted the rest of the night. It was one of those awkward silence moments where no one knew what to say or do. I continued as if it didn't bother me but obviously it did.

Then tonight we had another family holiday party at his moms house and we played some board games. During one particular game (Pictionary) I could tell my husband was getting extremely frustrated. I've seen him get this way before with this game. He becomes very quiet, doesn't laugh or have fun with everyone else and even throws things in frustration across the table. I can tell it makes everyone else feel very uncomfortable (including me), and we all end up "walking on eggshells" around him.

These public temper tantrums remind of a 3 year old child that has no control over himself. It's extremely embarrassing and what's worse is afterwards he acts like nothing ever happened. He would rather die than apologize for anything. Tonight we rode home in silence because I was so mad at him for ruining everyone's fun. I'm so tired of living like this. Any advice?
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Old December 23rd, 2014, 11:52 PM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Put him in time out?

Well, I'm only half kidding. Have you talked to him later about his behavior, in calmer moments? I'm wondering what his response is.

If he doesn't like that he makes people uncomfortable, you can work together as a team to have a secret signal to adjust his behavior. If he doesn't care in the least, it'll be up to you to come up with ways to avoid it (i.e find a "job" for him in Pictionary so he isn't on a team - make him the judge or something).

That stinks though. I'm sorry. I'm just really glad it's only around family though.
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Old December 23rd, 2014, 11:53 PM
memyselfandi memyselfandi is offline
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

I feel for you. Fortunately for me, my hubby is great with my family and they think he's the nicest guy ever.

And he is.

It's with ME he's filterless. Had I been the one with the camera (and I have been); and missed an important pic of the kids, he would have let me know at home and called me an idiot for not knowing how to use a damned camera.

While he rolled his eyes to the back of his head!!

Not sure if you used a digital camera or your phone, but either way, my hubby would have pulled up some way of using whatever camera the CORRECT way..and left it up on the computer so that when I looked at the computer the next day.."Cameras for Dumbies" probably would have been up there for me to see.

He does that all the time whether it's the way to cool off food (yeah..we've actually agrued over the correct ways to cool food off where I've been raised to let it cool to room temp before putting in in the fridge..and he begs to differ"

After that stupid argument..yep...how to cool food the correct way, was up on the computer screen.

What. Ever!!

Kinda like his own way of saying "dumbass" to me..
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Old December 24th, 2014, 10:33 PM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Quote:
Originally Posted by KayKay View Post
Put him in time out?

Well, I'm only half kidding. Have you talked to him later about his behavior, in calmer moments? I'm wondering what his response is.

If he doesn't like that he makes people uncomfortable, you can work together as a team to have a secret signal to adjust his behavior. If he doesn't care in the least, it'll be up to you to come up with ways to avoid it (i.e find a "job" for him in Pictionary so he isn't on a team - make him the judge or something).

That stinks though. I'm sorry. I'm just really glad it's only around family though.
Ha ha. I wish I could have put him in time out. I didn't talk to him anymore last night about it as I've had similar situation in the past and he usually just gets defensive and thinks his behavior is justified. I will probably just put a lifetime ban on him playing Pictionary. I'm not sure why that game gets him so worked up but I get a feeling it has to do with his intense competitiveness mixed with his lack of drawing skills.
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Old January 4th, 2015, 06:09 PM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Just a little update: today I had a very candid conversation with my husband about his anger and behavior issues (especially lately). He basically admitted to having an anger problem and possibly getting some therapy. The conversation was rough and at first he was extremely defensive and blaming me for not helping him through his emotions more. I told him I can't help him until he's ready to help himself and get to the core of his problems (which I believe to be his relationship with his late father who was emotionally and physically abusive). I must say it felt REALLY good to finally stand up to him and call him out on his stuff. I feel bad that he is still so tormented by his past relationship with his dad but I'm angry that he hasn't really done anything to try and get over it, especially since it affects our own relationship so much. I don't want to get too excited but I felt especially invigorated that we definitely took a step in the right direction.
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Old January 4th, 2015, 08:22 PM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Yay, good news.
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Old January 5th, 2015, 03:56 AM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

That's great news! Behavioral problems tend to be 1 step forward, 2 steps back so you're right not to get overly excited, but wow! Standing up for yourself and his admitting there is a problem is a huge step!
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Old January 5th, 2015, 08:19 PM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Thank you. 😌
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Old January 7th, 2015, 04:13 AM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Memyselfandi, I merged your posts back into your own thread. I don't want mochadelicious' thread to be derailed, and your concerns are important. Thank you for understanding.
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Old January 10th, 2015, 03:19 AM
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Re: Tired of walking on eggshells...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mochadelicious View Post
Reading other recent posts it sounds like I'm not the only one who has a husband that was born without a filter. I dread family get-togethers because I know it is likely I will go home mortified by something my husband has said or done...and unfortunately this year he lived up to my expectations.

The other night we were at my side of the family's holiday party and my husband came and sat in front of me on the floor just before we let the kids start opening presents. My mom designated me to take some pictures so after taking several, my husband snapped at me for clicking the flash too close to his face. I told him if he didn't like it then maybe he should sit behind me instead of in front of me. So, he was like "fine I'll move!" and pretty much pouted the rest of the night. It was one of those awkward silence moments where no one knew what to say or do. I continued as if it didn't bother me but obviously it did.

Then tonight we had another family holiday party at his moms house and we played some board games. During one particular game (Pictionary) I could tell my husband was getting extremely frustrated. I've seen him get this way before with this game. He becomes very quiet, doesn't laugh or have fun with everyone else and even throws things in frustration across the table. I can tell it makes everyone else feel very uncomfortable (including me), and we all end up "walking on eggshells" around him.

These public temper tantrums remind of a 3 year old child that has no control over himself. It's extremely embarrassing and what's worse is afterwards he acts like nothing ever happened. He would rather die than apologize for anything. Tonight we rode home in silence because I was so mad at him for ruining everyone's fun. I'm so tired of living like this. Any advice?

Your husband sounds like maybe he needs an outlet for his anger. Has he always been like this?
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